as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
