My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
