This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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