Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
