Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
