So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i think im in europe. pls send help
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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