Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
