A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
