i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
