I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
