I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
