I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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