i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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