dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
