Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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