The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We need to get me chipped asap
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
