Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
