his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize