The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
