I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
