Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
