So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
