I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you never un-have a 4some
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
