Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
