Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
