Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
