sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
