First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
