He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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