I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
