I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
