The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
