Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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