in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
