I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
