Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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