Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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