I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
