Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
