If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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