My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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