They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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