I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
