I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
