i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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