I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
