Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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