my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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