even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
