we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
