he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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