Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
