I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
